


Dreams Come True

by velocitygrass



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-02-08
Packaged: 2018-03-11 03:56:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3312992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velocitygrass/pseuds/velocitygrass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mind melding and getting together doesn't mean the end of awkwardness and insecurities.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dreams Come True

**Author's Note:**

  * For [darkmoore](https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkmoore/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Mind Meld](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3290828) by [velocitygrass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/velocitygrass/pseuds/velocitygrass). 



> Darkmoore asked for a sequel and I saw a few challenges John and Rodney might face after [Mind Meld](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3290828).

Seeing John smile at him like that, looking so happy, would never get old. Rodney still couldn't believe how lucky he was. Not just to realize that he loved John before making the mistake of proposing to Jennifer, but to be able to be absolutely certain of John's love.

Of course having seen all of John's fantasies was a double-edged sword.

The next evening when they went to Rodney's room after dinner, Rodney felt incredibly nervous. Having sex with someone for the first time was always nerve-wracking—at least if you cared about them—but this time Rodney didn't just have to compete with John's past experiences, but with his fantasies as well, something that never would have occurred to him if he hadn't seen them in all their glory.

There were so many things that John would like them to do, and Rodney was woefully inexperienced when it came to gay sex. Not to mention that fantasies had a way of being perfect, and now that he was about to actually have sex with John, Rodney couldn't help the realization that it was highly likely that reality wouldn't measure up to John's fantasies.

"Rodney, it's fine," John said, smiling gently.

"Is it?" Rodney asked.

"We can just play chess. Or kiss," John said.

"Oh," Rodney said, not sure if he should be relieved or disappointed. "You don't want..."

"I want...but I want a lot of other things too. A quiet evening together sounds great," John said.

"Okay," Rodney said, still feeling nervous. He sat down on the bed. They could take things slow he supposed. Though he wasn't sure waiting would make him feel better. "I..." he began but stopped.

John sat down next to him. "There's no need to rush things," he said calmly.

"It's going to be terrible," Rodney blurted out. "I mean the first time. And not necessarily terrible, but not _great_ , not like in your fantasies. I just...thought I should throw that out there."

John laughed. "We'll be fine," he said, cupping Rodney's face and turning it so that he could kiss him.

Rodney returned the kiss, immediately relaxing. It felt so good to kiss John. He thought about the many ways a kiss like this could turn into sex. He could move to straddle John, rubbing himself against him. It was quite a sexy image in his mind, but the reality of the mechanics would probably make him fall on his ass, and John would get that indulgent smile even as Rodney felt like an idiot.

Rodney sighed miserably and hid his face in John's neck.

"Rodney," John said softly, kissing his head. "It doesn't have to be like in my fantasies. I want this to be real." Rodney moved back to look at John's serious face. "I don't care if it's awkward and clumsy and we come too fast or can't get it up. It's you and that's all that matters to me."

"That's not true. Some people are just not sexually compatible," Rodney said.

"Right," John conceded. "But I assume... I hope my fantasies didn't turn you off. We don't have to do everything anyway. We're starting from a clean slate here. We'll just do whatever we both enjoy."

Rodney still wasn't convinced. There was no way that John _wouldn't_ compare reality to his fantasies.

"And we can take things slow," John added. "I know you haven't been with many guys."

"And didn't do much with them," Rodney mumbled under his breath.

"What would you like us to do today?" John asked.

Rodney honestly didn't know what to say. On the one hand it was tempting to just kiss John and cuddle all evening, but it would just delay his fears. Not to mention that he really wanted to have sex with John. What he'd seen in his fantasies had been incredibly hot. He looked at John. All that was his to undress and kiss and touch. He looked at a spot on John's neck and leaned forward to kiss it because he could.

John moaned softly. The sound went straight to Rodney's dick.

"Let's just..." Rodney said, pushing John back on the bed and pulling out his shirt.

"Yeah," John agreed, capturing Rodney's mouth in a kiss and pulling them both down.

It turned out to be easy to forget John's fantasies once they started to make memories of reality. Or at least _while_ they were doing it, because he liked to let John's fantasies inspire them—or his own for that matter.

Sometimes it wasn't as good as their fantasies. But at other times it was _better_ than anything either of them imagined.

Most of all it was new and exciting and fulfilling and hot and more than anything it was loving.

~~

John treasured every step they took towards the life he had imagined. It wasn't the same, of course, but he hadn't lied to Rodney when he said that he wanted this to be real. And funnily enough it was often the not so perfect parts of their life that _were_ like his fantasies.

When John complained about Rodney's clothes carelessly thrown into a corner, Rodney grumbled, "Sorry I'm not like your fantasy."

"Actually, that's exactly how imagined it would be," John countered, slightly annoyed. He'd seen enough of Rodney's habits to have fantasized about this.

Rodney's mouth opened, but before he responded, he seemed to think about John's memories. His eyes widened. "Oh god, you really did. I'm not sure if that's endearing or horrifying."

"Either way, I'd prefer it to be a one time thing. We have a laundry bin. Use it!"

Rodney looked around, and John pointed at the bin, sighing. Rodney kept looking around. "You're living here now." He seemed surprised.

"I still have my own room," John said, slightly defensively.

"I know," Rodney said. "I meant...in your fantasy we moved into a new place together. It was...a _thing_."

John had to think until he recalled an awkward fantasy conversation in which John had suggested they move to a bigger room. In his fantasies he was more proactive, suggesting things like that. Though in his defense, in reality things like moving in together just seemed to happen on their own. "Do you want it to be...a _thing_?"

"No. I don't know," Rodney said. "Do _you_ want it to be a thing?"

Sometimes the fact that Rodney had seen his fantasies didn't make things easier John realized not for the first time. "I really just want you to put your dirty clothes in the laundry bin."

Rodney pouted.

"We could move into a bigger room—if we find one," John added. Such things were a lot easier in fantasies.

"Good point. We're not likely to find a fully furnished, livable, secure room all of a sudden," Rodney admitted. "So _this_ can be considered living together, right?" he asked.

"Unless there's a problem with that," John said carefully. He still wasn't sure how Rodney had taken that realization.

"No, no problem at all," Rodney said thoughtfully.

John narrowed his eyes. He got the feeling that he was missing something.

But Rodney just picked up the clothes in question and deposited them in the laundry bin before moving to his desk, humming to himself.

~~

John wasn't sure, but a few weeks after the "living together" discussion, it occurred to him that the reason Rodney might have wanted to be so clear on that and seemed quite satisfied with the result was that it was one more checkmark on the fulfilling-John's-dreams todo list that he had either mentally or physically on one of his computers.

John had tried to make clear more than once that he had no expectation of Rodney fulfilling all his fantasies, but he knew that Rodney tried to do it anyway. The really awkward and unsuccessful attempt to have sex against a wall was proof of that.

The good news was that there wasn't much left that they needed to do. Their sex-life was constantly evolving, but they'd covered the basics a long time ago and in terms of concrete fantasies, the things that they hadn't tried yet were tied to circumstances that they couldn't just reproduce. It was the same with growing old together, and they weren't ready to retire and buy a home together on Earth.

But there was one big thing left to do, and when John realized that, he felt himself break out in a sweat.

It seemed entirely ridiculous to become nervous about proposing to Rodney, but he still suddenly felt panic grip him. Rodney _knew_ that getting married had been one of John's most treasured fantasies about their lives. Some part of him had always wanted that and it might explain why he'd been willing to try it with Nancy. Marrying Rodney would be much more successful. And there was no reason to assume Rodney would say no.

He'd been contemplating marrying Keller before that fateful mission after all, and he was _much_ happier with John. Not to mention that seeing John's fantasies about it hadn't sent him running or even mentioning it with any kind of doubt. Rodney had told him and made him feel that he wanted what John had imagined their life could be. John even recalled him explicitly saying that he wanted John to be able to propose.

This probably meant that unlike with John's other fantasies, Rodney wasn't going to initiate. He expected _John_ to do it. Or maybe he was under the impression that John wanted to be the one to propose as opposed to being proposed to. Which actually wasn't the case.

John wasn't sure why, but after involuntarily exposing all his fantasies to Rodney—and Teyla and Ronon for that matter—he hadn't thought about their future as much and he'd stopped fantasizing about proposing to Rodney. And now that he considered it, he realized that if he _would_ fantasize about it, it would be Rodney proposing to him.

Maybe it was that he'd laid it all out in the open when they'd mind melded, but John felt that it was up to Rodney to pick the time that he wanted them to take that last step. Or maybe it was that if _Rodney_ took this step, John would be more certain that it was what he really wanted.

He usually wasn't insecure about Rodney's feelings. Even without actually seeing and remembering them like Rodney had done with John's feelings, John knew that Rodney loved him and the way their relationship developed. But marriage was more than living together and loving each other. It was commitment and a promise.

John was obviously aware that it wasn't always for life, but he'd taken his vows to Nancy seriously even if he had eventually failed at fulfilling his promise. No matter how happy he was with Rodney and how sure he was of their future, marriage was still a big step, and he wanted Rodney to be sure about it.

The fact that Rodney had been about to propose to Keller might play a role in John's feelings. Not just because he didn't want Rodney to be as doubtful as he'd been about marrying Keller, but also because if Rodney had entertained marrying her, he _should_ be more than ready to propose to John.

It could be that Rodney was ready, but waiting for John to do it. If that was the case, John wasn't sure how to bring it up without feeling like he _prompted_ him instead of having Rodney act on his own. He could of course simply wait until Rodney got the hint that John wasn't going to be the one to propose, but maybe that would make Rodney think John had changed his mind about marriage.

Despite having seen how much John loved him, Rodney occasionally still seemed insecure, like when they'd first started having sex. Rodney had seemed embarrassed about his inexperience with men, but John had worked hard on convincing him that he didn't mind and that he took great pleasure in seeing Rodney learn and excel at getting better.

If Rodney expected a proposal, though, and it never came, he might wonder about the reasons, and Rodney's worst case scenarios could be scary. John was usually good at recognizing when Rodney got himself in a state—and how to get him out—but he'd learned over the years that Rodney's ability to keep something a secret seemed to be proportional to how important it was. And John really didn't want to wait and find some day that Rodney had convinced himself that John was disappointed by the reality of being with Rodney and was about to break off but didn't know how to tell Rodney the news.

Which probably meant that proposing to Rodney was the way to go.

Well, there was still time, John supposed. Maybe he'd come up with a way to nudge Rodney into proposing himself.

~~

"Something's up with you and McKay. Thought the time of secrets was over," Ronon commented when they were running one morning a few days later.

"It's not a secret," John said. "Exactly," he qualified.

Ronon raised an eyebrow and stopped running. "You seemed happy. Finally."

John recalled that Ronon had wondered about John being alone and possibly lonely. "I am," he said emphatically.

Ronon prompted him to continue with a look.

John sighed. He didn't particularly want to talk about this, but maybe Ronon actually had some useful advice. Not to mention that he was the least likely to give John a hard time. The fact that they knew everything about their pasts since the mind meld also made it easier to open up now. "I'd prefer if Rodney proposed to me, but I think he might expect _me_ to do it."

"Does it make a difference?" Ronon asked.

"I'd feel more certain that he meant it if he _asked_ and didn't just say yes," John admitted. It sounded terribly insecure, but _he_ hadn't had the benefit of actually experiencing Rodney's love when they'd mind melded.

"You weren't certain when you proposed in your fantasies," Ronon pointed it.

John flushed. It was embarrassing to remember that Ronon had seen all of that and equally embarrassing that even in his fantasies he'd felt insecure about the proposal. "I imagined I wouldn't be sure what his answer would be. Now I'm pretty sure he'd say yes."

"But you don't think saying yes is enough proof that he wants it," Ronon said.

"I _do_ believe he wants it but... Hell, we're talking about the guy who proposed to Katie Brown and nearly proposed to Keller."

"Which shows that McKay's proposals aren't worth much," Ronon said bluntly.

John winced. Ronon had a point. What would it really say if Rodney proposed to him when he'd done the same nearly twice before in the last couple of years?

"If he makes it through the wedding, _then_ you'll know it's different with you," Ronon said.

Ronon was right. Actually saying their vows and having Rodney pronounced as his husband was what John had really fantasized about. Something that neither Katie Brown nor Keller had been able to achieve. John doubted that his insecurities would completely go away even then, but he figured it was part of a real relationship. Only fantasies could ever be perfect. "Thank you," he said to Ronon.

"Any time," Ronon said and began running again.

~~

There'd been a few proposals in John's fantasies. The classic restaurant going down on your knees proposal, the casual, happy, post-coital proposal, the angst-ridden I-could-lose-you-anytime-so-let's-not-waste-any-more-time proposal. It all just didn't seem right. He'd thought that deciding _who_ would propose would be the hard part, but now that he was convinced to do it himself, the next challenge arose. What would be the most appropriate way to propose to someone who quite possibly expected or even waited for it?

John watched proposals on YouTube, but though he thought Rodney might enjoy something elaborate, he just couldn't imagine involving many other people. He was sure Ronon and Teyla would help him, but he felt it should be a private moment. They'd have the wedding to share with their friends and family.

A few days after still not coming up with the perfect way to propose, John found himself on the pier sulking. Rodney had seen his fantasies. Couldn't he just guess that John wanted to get married and ask?

John lay back on the pier in frustration. Great, now he was back at square one, wishing Rodney would propose.

A shadow covered his face, soon followed by Rodney's face. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you had to give me some bad news but didn't know how."

John sat up again. "It's not bad news," he said.

Rodney sat down next to him. "It's not good news either or you wouldn't make such a face," Rodney said.

"I'm not making a face," John protested, though he realized that actually he was. He consciously relaxed his features. Then he thought about his predicament and pouted.

"We could go to the planet with the mind meld device again, though I think it would probably be beneficial if you learned to talk about things that were important," Rodney said.

"I talk about things," John said defensively. He thought that the experience with the Ancient device had allowed him to open up more.

Rodney gave him a look.

John looked back and realized how lucky he was to have Rodney in his life and to actually be with him. "I love you."

"Yes, you _can_ say that, but that's not why you're out here sulking," Rodney observed.

Even without being able to read his mind, Rodney sometimes knew his thoughts all too well. For some reason that made it easier to forget everything else and just be honest. "I want us to get married, but I don't know how to propose and part of me wishes _you_ would do it instead of waiting for me to do it. _If_ you're waiting..."

Rodney blinked. "What do you mean you don't know how? I've seen you do it—in your mind. And what about your wife for that matter?"

"She proposed to me," John said truthfully.

"Right," Rodney said, apparently digging in what he'd shared of John's memories. "That was actually a nice proposal."

"I can't just copy it. I want ours to be _ours_ ," John said.

"I wasn't suggesting it," Rodney said. "I thought you _wanted_ to be the one who proposed. You never fantasized about me proposing to you."

"This is reality, not fantasy," John said, not wanting to get into his irrational reasons.

Rodney cupped John's face and looked at him seriously. "You're going to marry me."

"That's not a proposal. That's an order," John pointed out, but he smiled.

"We both know you'd say yes," Rodney said. "Let's concentrate on the when and the how. I'm guessing immediate family and close friends only."

"You weren't even a little afraid that I might have changed my mind?" John asked. He really didn't want to feed Rodney's insecurities, but he'd feel better if he wasn't the only one who wasn't entirely rational about it.

"I'm afraid of waking up and finding out it was all a dream every day," Rodney said. "But as long as I don't I'm grateful for the gift you've given me."

John didn't know what to say. "It _is_ a dream. Just one that came true," he eventually told Rodney.

"And I'm so glad it did," Rodney said, kissing him.

John responded immediately as he always did. He loved this man so much and sometimes it was hard to believe that Rodney loved him back. But he did.

~~

John's fantasies and the reality of being with Rodney were sometimes worlds apart and sometimes spot on.

The decoration and location of their wedding wasn't quite what he'd imagined, but when Rodney looked at him and said his vows, John felt exactly like he imagined he'd feel. He was happy and content and excited, a bit terrified, proud, possessive, and many other things but above all he felt loved.

It was a dream come true.


End file.
